The Professor and His Obsession : A Forbidden Romance Page 13

  “Hey!” Josephine exclaims. “To be fair, she was married off to her husband, so she never loved him. Her beauty preceded her, so everyone wanted her. We can hardly blame her for falling in love.”

  “She did go back to her husband though once the war ended, after Paris died,” Kevin says, scratching his chin. “So on the grand scale of things, it was worthless.”

  Josephine opens and closes her mouth, then frowns as if hating she can’t find a counterattack to his point.

  To my shock, Morgan speaks up instead. “Women back then had no protection. Besides, Menelaus did love her and forgave her. I think, though, spending all those years with the man she truly loved mattered to her.” Ah, our romantic soul. Leave it to her to give it that spin.

  “Was love worth thousands of deaths?” Jonathan asks.

  “It must have been worth it to Menelaus and Paris. After all, they are the ones who should have thought about their people, right?”

  They have a stare-off for several seconds, and then Jonathan grins, snapping his fingers. “You won this one.”

  “Sweet.” Morgan and Josephine high-five above my head.

  “I should add some extra credit for a debate. You’d all like that, wouldn’t you?” Laughter fills the place when Ryder suggests it, and then he walks to the desk, perching on it as he slaps the book over his knee. “However, common discussions bore me, so we are not going to talk about Paris and Helen today. I think their characters and actions have been analyzed to death.” My brows furrow as he elaborates. “What other characters do you know?”

  “Achilles!” someone shouts from the back.

  Ah, right. One of the strongest and most famous Greek warriors who sought endless glory. He found it and died for it.

  “Eris!”

  “Who is Eris?”

  “She was the goddess of strife who brought the ‘Apple of Discord’ to the wedding and said whoever got it earned the most beautiful goddess title. So Athena, Hera, and Aphrodite fought over it, each thinking it belonged to her. Paris was picked to decide the winner. He picked Aphrodite, as she promised him Helen. It was Eris’s revenge for not being invited to the wedding.” Mandy breathlessly gulps air before continuing. “Basically, if it weren't for her, the war wouldn’t have happened.”

  John whistles. “That’s some revenge.”

  Ryder puts the book on the desk and leans back on his hands, the suit jacket opening slightly and giving a view of his shirt that emphasizes his rigid muscles. He presents a gorgeous view to us all.

  Someone should give me a medal for the fact that I can focus during his class, because it’s almost impossible when one knows what hides behind his clothes.

  Morgan picks up her pencil, writes something in her notebook and then pushes it in the middle so we can read it while most of the class flips their books open, hurriedly searching for the chapter on Iliad to find some names.

  If you keep staring at him like that, people are going to find out. Down, girl.

  Josephine chuckles, finding this hilarious, while I still keep my gaze glued on my professor, who is destined to be my undoing.

  Because with each passing day, he pulls me deeper and deeper into the madness of our secret relationship from which I want no escape. I want him to wrap more passionate webs around me, wishing to be forever trapped in his golden cage.

  Ryder gets up, my gaze trailing after him as he grabs the marker and writes all the names the students call out, but to my shock, he stays silent. Usually, he throws opinions right back at them.

  “King Priam!”

  “Patroclus!”

  “Odysseus!”

  That catches his attention, and he looks over his shoulder. “Very interesting character, but we will discuss him once we move to the next book. Not Iliad.”

  “But he is the one who came up with the Trojan Horse deception.” Josephine frowns. “He’s a key player in the Iliad for various other reasons.”

  “Yes. But to better understand his character and what the Trojan War cost him, we need to read his own story. Or at least read the short synopsis.” People chuckle at the last part, and he spins around. “Any more names?”

  I zone out as people get deeper into this discussion, and I open my notebook, writing down the character I empathized with the most in this tragic story.

  Because he had no other choice but to endure what fate had given him, and isn’t that the worst kind of pain?

  Living a life you did not choose but must anyway due to a sense of honor and loyalty to your family?

  “Estella.”

  I freeze when his husky and deep voice utters my name, casting silence all around us, as everyone turns their attention to me while anticipation shines brightly on their faces for me to see.

  After our very first class and discussion, he has never called out my name, but I know people have made bets on if he’d try to embarrass me again in front of the whole class, since he is not known to be kind.

  However, due to our relationship, I was never a part of any discussions.

  Or so I thought.

  My heartbeat speeds up; panic begins to creep up my spine as I sit up straight and our gazes meet. “Yes?”

  He wraps his hand around the mug and lifts it up to his mouth, asking me right before taking another large sip. “Do you have a favorite character in this epic poem?”

  “This should be interesting,” Josephine mutters under her breath while everyone gets more comfortable in their seats, awaiting my answer—or rather their entertainment.

  Anger zips through me, and I grip the pencil tighter, hating how he has put me on display once again when I wasn’t ready. “Yes, I do.” His brow lifts, so I supply the name he seeks. “Hector.”

  Surprise crosses his face as if he expected another answer all together, but he quickly replaces it with indifference. “The Trojan prince, the eldest son. The best warrior of his people, respected by Greeks as well,” he says, a grin shaping his mouth. “A man with no vices.” An odd note laces his tone on the last part; he sounds almost self-mocking, to my confusion. “Why?”

  God, he wants an explanation too?

  Well, then.

  “He was a kind, brave, loyal prince and son who wanted the best for his people. According to the poem, he was against the war. However, he had no choice but to follow his father’s command and clean up the mess his little brother created.” I exhale heavily. “He also had a wife and a son with whom he wanted to live peacefully, but all his desires were denied him.”

  And he didn’t get to be with them, because Achilles killed him.

  Ryder listens carefully to me and then walks across the auditorium, throwing his next question as the students dart their gazes between us, some even taking notes. With our professor here, you never know what he might ask on quizzes, papers, or exams. “Isn’t it his duty as a prince to protect his people?”

  “Yes. Paris was selfish in a way though.” I don’t judge the guy for choosing love and all, but he kind of screwed over his entire family. Since this is beyond my comprehension, his character has always stirred bewilderment in me and nothing else. “So his older brother had to pay for his mistake.”

  Ryder drums his fingers on the mug, pondering my words. “Because Paris lived the life he wanted?”

  “No. Because he didn’t consider how his actions would affect his people.” The tension rises in the air while Ryder leans on the podium, holding my stare intently as if demanding more explanation on the matter. “Hector though was different. Maybe that's why he was respected by everyone.”

  “A lot of good it did him,” Jonathan butts in. “He died anyway.” He laughs. “His little bro probably didn’t think his love affair would cost him a brother.”

  Ryder ignores him and instead says, “It’s incredibly hard to be the oldest sibling, isn't it? You always have to take care of the younger ones. At least people used to drill that into their kids’ heads.” He places his mug back on the desk and locks his hands behind his back. “
Raises a certain kind of guilt in the younger ones, although it’s not their fault.”

  My heart stills at this, a sense of betrayal washing over me, knowing full well he connects my liking of Hector to my love of Octavius and what he had to endure because of me.

  Does he think I see myself as Paris, who fell in love and now might screw up my brother’s chances for a happily ever after?

  Is he out of his mind?

  I cannot believe he is using this against me to win a debate!

  “I’m comparing their characteristics and not relationships. Hector was a brave warrior who never shied away from combat and faced all enemies with dignity. Paris grew up away from his family, so he had no worthy fighting skills. He was a coward who lost battles during the Trojan War. Even with Menelaus, Aphrodite had to save him.” Before Ryder can comment on it, I add, “No one says everyone should be a warrior. But he literally started a war. So it was his responsibility to clean up his mess, not his brother’s.”

  “You are using emotions once again in your critical thinking.” I bristle at his dismissive tone. “Instead of studying their actions through the prism of what their character was supposed to show to the world. The Trojan War has no sides.” He clacks his tongue. “Humans are imperfect creatures. This epic poem shows it in all its glory.”

  “Stop saying that,” I snap, forgetting my place for a second, and someone gasps in the distance. “Contrary to what you believe, I’m not an idiot. And just because my opinion does not correlate with yours, doesn’t make it less valid.”

  Morgan quickly writes below her previous note.

  Girl, breathe. Everyone is staring

  Paying no attention, I squeeze the pencil harder until the tip digs into my palm, expressing my frustration at this whole discussion.

  I love everything about Ryder, from our long talks by the fire to the way he sets my blood on fire, but he really annoys me when he acts like a professor who finds all my points stupid and useless.

  Or at least it seems this way. He never picks on anyone else; I’m just super special in this regard.

  And then it hits me.

  Love?

  The pencil drops on the floor. The sound echoes through the space, and my ears begin to ring. A gasp slips past my lips at the horrible but beautiful realization.

  I’ve irrevocably fallen for my lover, my professor, my childhood crush, the man who my brother will never approve of.

  Despite how much I’ve tried to protect my heart from succumbing to this crush—love usually means disaster in my family—he’s claimed my heart right along with my body that has his name marked with invisible ink.

  Fear slams into me so hard I forget how to breathe while my mom’s image flashes in my mind, reminding me what happened to her when she lost her husband whom she loved.

  She lost her humanity right along with him and became a monster, even worse than my father.

  She allowed him to hurt her children and just watched it all as a bystander.

  One of the reasons Octavius and I never wanted to fall in love with anyone is because of her.

  You can survive a stupid crush, but falling so hard you can no longer imagine living without that person?

  The emotion might swallow you whole, and then where would you be?

  “Estella.” Ryder’s voice pierces through the fog enveloping my mind. My throat is so dry I’m afraid to swallow. “Estella.”

  Blinking several times, I inhale deeply. Ryder, with a concerned look, comes closer, hopping two stairs at a time to reach me. “Are you all right?”

  “I’m fine,” I whisper, hooking a strand of hair behind my ear. “I’m fine.” Maybe if I repeat this enough, I’ll believe it.

  He roves his brown orbs over my form. I can physically feel the possessiveness radiating from him and trapping me in its web, silently demanding reassurance I’m not lying to him, but all I can do is avoid his gaze.

  Because if he looks into my eyes, he’ll see the truth, and then I won’t have any choices left.

  Men like Ryder see what they want and take it, bulldozing into your life in a way so that it’s never the same.

  Josephine shifts awkwardly next to me and then decides to save my ass. “Professor MacAlister. Who is your favorite character in Iliad?” She puts a palm on my thigh and pats it a little while I sigh in relief at the change of subject, since students love to hear Ryder’s opinion on stuff.

  “Cassandra.” My brows shoot up at the name, and he gives me one more long stare before going down the stairs slowly, hooking his thumbs in his pants pocket. “She was Paris and Hector’s sister who was cursed with the ability to see the future, but no one ever believed her predictions. It was punishment from the god Apollo for refusing his advances. She predicted the fall of Troy because of Paris.”

  “Wow. Who needs a gift like that if it cannot be put to good use?” Jonathan mutters and then leans on his elbow. “Why is she your favorite?”

  Despite the internal turmoil shaking me, I strain my ears to listen to him, because even I’m curious about his reasoning as well.

  Ryder refuses to share about his family life on most days and rarely speaks about the past besides some job details. So the only way I can get a glimpse on his views or some pain is by studying his replies to various questions or how he judges characters.

  While in the present, he is the perfect example of a dark knight who is not afraid of the dragon in order to get to the princess, but in the past…

  In the past he is an enigma I wish to crack to better understand the man he has become and to learn more about the scars on his body.

  Over this last month, I've kissed them countless times, always showing him how they don't bother me, but he ignores my silent pleadings to explain them.

  And while it hurts me sometimes, I understand.

  My brother would be just the same, and his past is horrendous. I didn’t want to bring Ryder unnecessary pain by making him relive all those events.

  Well, not counting the times he made me furious to the point of wanting to strangle him.

  Like during the class when he picked on me!

  Ryder’s voice booms in the auditorium. “A black sheep of the family. I think I can relate to her.” Is this why he avoids his family? To them, he’s a black sheep? “Cassandra is a perfect character to demonstrate that if people want to go to their doom, they will no matter what.” A beat passes and he elaborates, his tone, laced with coldness and distaste, drops. “You can tell them they are making a mistake and try to save them, but at the end of the day… you cannot save those who do not want to be saved. Playing a hero can be a devastating and exhausting task. That's why villains exist in this world.”

  My eyes widen at this. Something nags at my mind as various books on human psychology and cases of serial killers flash before me. One should always search for the traumas in their childhood, because their cruelty has deep roots.

  “After the fall of Troy, she was brutally raped by one man and then taken by another to be his concubine. Her life was tragic from beginning to end.”

  Silence falls in the auditorium, and sadness washes over me as I think about Cassandra.

  We don’t know if she was real or just a myth; however, her story stays tragic, nevertheless. How hard it must have been to be used as a pawn and never be someone valuable.

  “She had no choice, right? Just like Hector,” someone asks in the back, and Ryder smirks, although it lacks any humor.

  “In a way, but not really. Hector was bound by duty, so he stayed on the land he swore to protect. Cassandra knew about the future of Troy yet still decided to choose her family rather than run away and escape.”

  Josephine frowns. “Could she even escape with the Greeks there?”

  “She might have. The point is she never even tried. Loyalty to the family destroyed Hector and Cassandra. That’s the thing they have in common.” His eyes find mine, and he holds my stare, letting me read between the lines, and for a second, it’s just u
s in the auditorium. The outside world disappears, leaving me with an uncertain and magnetic pull so strong I cannot get away from it. “Sometimes, blood is not thicker than water, and people shouldn’t sacrifice themselves for their family, when all that family does is destroy their life.”

  Fury slides through my veins, awakening my annoyance to epic proportions, because his implications are loud and clear.

  He thinks my brother is holding me back.

  But I should have expected that, right?

  A man who despises his own family will never understand my tight bond with Octavius. He’d have to live in a nightmare with me to see that Octavius has always been the life vest keeping me afloat.

  Or rather.

  The only thing keeping him safe and wanting to survive was me. I suspect that if it weren’t for my existence, my brother would have ended his life. As a child, I saw him with a knife in his hand a lot, which has led me to such conclusions.

  Then another thought strikes me.

  So I wasn’t just a weapon used against my brother? I was his life vest too?

  My father would have been cruel to him anyway; that was just in his nature… to be a monster.

  Maybe… just maybe… I wasn’t the stone around my brother’s neck pulling him down, but a rope keeping him afloat in the disastrous ocean my father thrust him into.

  Ryder adjusts his wristwatch and announces, “With this, the class has come to an end. For the next one, pick your character, and we’re going to discuss them more… with a few assignments thrown in.” He raises his hand at the groans that follow. “You’ll like it.”

  He goes back to the desk to put everything in order while everyone jumps up from their seats, a hum filling the room as everyone gathers their things.

  “That was intense,” Morgan says, shoving her notebook in her backpack and hooking it on her arm. “I thought you might curse at him.”

  Josephine nods. “Me too. It would have been hilarious but also so damaging.” She crosses her arms and checks our surroundings, dropping her voice to a hushed whisper. “Unless he proposes, keep your lips zipped. You don’t need rumors trailing after you for years.”