Jane's Surrender (Hard World Tour) Read online

  “Jeremy—” Sam started, but was immediately interrupted.

  “He can’t know. Look, I know he would never kick me out of the band or tell me to get rid of it. He is family, and we are all good. But this tour is hard on him already. He would be worried about me, and I don't need that. The tour ends in two months, so I won’t be showing. Plus, the doctor said I could still perform. So there is no problem with that.”

  “But all the guys and parties.” That was me as usual, the responsible one.

  “I didn't want to sleep with anyone anymore anyways.”

  “Yeah, I think you better not,” Bella commented, and then snorted, “Ariel, the celibate one.” We all started to laugh and it broke some of the tension around us. Then Jeremy appeared in the doorway. Since we were on the tour, we had two big buses for our needs, and we ordered all the specialists today. We were in New Jersey, and our concert was tomorrow night.

  “Hey, ladies,” he said in this thick voice, but for some reason, it did nothing to me. He was a handsome man; he had amber eyes surrounded by thick black lashes. His cheekbones defined his mom’s heritage (Native American), and he had shoulder length brown hair. Combine that with tall, broad shoulders, and his muscular body made him one sexy package. Drake was like a warrior from a historical novel, but wearing black jeans and a shirt that emphasized his defined body. I heard a low gasp, which belonged to Sam, but her eyes stayed neutral. I had no idea what the hell was going on with them, but one of them needed to get it together soon, because it was becoming uncomfortable for all of us.

  It was odd, really. I used to feel euphoric when he was around and just wanted to be near him. But the truth was I’ve never felt those emotions since meeting Drake. I still thought I was in love with him, because he had everything a girl could want, or at least what I wanted, but it wasn't an intense feeling. Rather an annoying thorn at my side that didn't want to come out.

  “Hey, Jer,” I said softly and noticed the look girls gave me, which spoke volumes. They all knew about my so-called crush on him, and we even had a fight about it back on the ranch.

  We were a complicated group of people.

  The thing was those feelings were no longer there. Maybe because I understood Sam needed this, and I didn't want to ruin it for her.

  He smiled at me, although there was this uneasiness in his eyes that made me wonder what the hell that was about. He was always the most laid back with me; we were almost close friends. It was how I first knew he loved Sam.

  A slight pain pinged in my heart, but not as sharp as it used to be before. It was more of a melancholy feeling over my first crush.

  “I think we need to talk,” he finally said.

  “What now? Seriously, I didn't do anything,” Ariel joked, but there was a slight panic in her voice. We understood she was freaking nervous over her pregnancy and was terrified for Jer to know about it, and we had to tag along with the song, so to speak.

  “I never said it was you, Ariel. Congratulations, by the way.” We froze, and she gave him a disbelieving look as he chuckled, a slight twinkle in his eyes. “You really thought I hadn’t noticed the change in your demeanor? I’m not stupid, and it’s my job to know what the hell is going on with you girls. Lesson learned from last time.” He was probably referring to when he lost his shit on the ranch when all my secrets came out. Not to mentioned how guilty he felt over Bella. Now Jer was like a hawk watching us all the time. Nothing escaped his notice, apparently.

  “I’m having the baby, Jer. I won’t…I won’t abort my baby,” she finished on a whisper and put her hand protectively over her stomach. Didn’t she say she wasn't afraid of him asking her that? It was as if she had several opinions at once.

  Jer frowned a little, and all the humor left his eyes, replaced by anger and coldness. “I would never ask it of you, and the fact you even said that makes me question if you know me at all.” Hurt was in his voice, and Ariel looked guilty. “I know how much that means to you, and it’s not like we had some contracts drawn up where I forbade you from marriages or babies,” he snapped.

  “Jer—”

  He raised his hand. “You should have known better than say that to me, Ariel. I’m happy for you, and I know you can finish the tour.”

  She smiled at him and, without hesitation, ran into his arms and hugged him tight.

  Crisis averted.

  Well, besides Sam and me.

  “Was that what you wanted to talk about?” Sam asked angrily, which was a constant since his icy treatment of her. He looked at her, and something flashed through his eyes, but it was quickly replaced with indifference.

  To be honest, even I was surprised at how much he actually ignored her.

  “No. We have a problem.”

  “Seems like a relentless thing lately,” Bella joked, but she looked concerned, and asked, “Is it because of me?” She still felt guilt over the whole drug thing, and the press had no idea about it. We didn't want them to know, but we had to be ready for any outcome. Sam grabbed her hand and squeezed, and she smiled at her. I was glad to know those two were okay.

  “No, but close,” he sighed then sat down on the chair in front of us. “We have a Logan problem.”

  “Logan?” we asked in unison.

  “You mean addict Logan who made it possible for Bella to have access to drugs? That Logan?” Sam spat out, and probably would have said more if it wasn't for Bella interrupting her.

  “He only did what I asked him to. Don’t judge,” she said quietly, and Sam had to shut up.

  Her judging already got us in a lot of shit. “What about him, Jer?”

  “After that incident in your house with him, or rather how he was hosting all those fucked up parties, we took him to rehab.” Yeah, since Ariel begged them to do it. Bella was probably the only one who wasn't aware of that.

  “Yes, Ryan told me.”

  Figures, those two didn't have a secret from each other anymore.

  “His band wanted nothing to do with him, and he hasn’t been on stage for the last three years. He has no money, no possessions, and no family. Nothing.”

  “Jer, we know that. But what does it have to do with us?” I asked, because as much as I felt bad for Logan, he wasn't our close friend either.

  “He has a daughter.” That made us gasp in shock.

  “What?” Sam was the first one to snap out of it.

  “Yes, turns out he used to be in a relationship with a woman. I think he was about to marry her, but then she dumped his ass when he wasn't willing to let go of the drugs and alcohol for her.” He looked down and frowned. “The point is that he has a two-year-old daughter, and the child’s mother has died in a car accident with her boyfriend. The little girl has no family but Logan. Her mom was from foster care.”

  That was sad and made something inside me hurt for the little girl. Her story sounded so similar to mine, and I knew she would end up in the system too.

  That brought my parents to mind, and how I hadn’t spoken to them at all, or seen them, since that Christmas. Part of me was still angry for all the lies, and I couldn't wrap my head around the fact my mom, who was caring, loving, and was always there for me since I was fifteen, could have left me behind all those years ago.

  The only person I kept in touch with was Ben. He was close to his sweet sixteen and still dreamed about racing. We saw each other several times in New York and, thankfully, he never brought up the subject.

  I just wasn't ready.

  But it was exhausting to run from this, from Drake, from myself.

  “Anyway, Logan has been in rehab all this time and he’s clean now. His addiction was more about alcohol anyway, rather than drugs. He’s in no condition to take care of the girl. Not now, at least.” He took a deep breath then looked me straight in the eyes. “That’s why we wanted to ask you and Drake to watch over her.”

  Wait…what?

  “Jeremy, I don’t understand.” How were we supposed to watch her?

  “He has no f
riends but us. Ryan and I have no idea how to help him. We know he screwed up, but I know Logan. He wouldn't want his child to grow up like him. He just wouldn’t. But no one will give us his kid, and we can’t allow her to go into the system.”

  “Trust me, I know,” I said, but he wasn’t done.

  “Logan’s ex put him on the Birth Certificate as the father, so he has rights, but he is currently unable to take care of her. Our legal team is working on the case, having all papers drawn up. You and Drake are a married couple. You can ask for temporary guardianship of her until Logan can get back on his feet. It’s possible, and I’ll pull some strings to make it happen. Even Bella and Ryan are just a couple, which means nothing to the judge.” All his words made little sense to me, and frankly, I was freaking shocked.

  “But that would mean being responsible for her for a long time, Jer. I don’t want the little girl to suffer, and we’re on tour. They would hardly feel it acceptable for her to be with us.” I worried my lip, my heart already hurting and reaching out for her.

  But Drake and me and the kid? This seemed like an impossible situation, and what about the divorce?

  “Drake has connections too, and the court would allow you to have her once you move into the house. The procedure takes time, so all the paperwork should be finished by the time the tour is over. She would stay with you until Logan got back on his feet.”

  “I have no idea how to care for a baby, and you are asking me to make my marriage real for an unknown amount of time, Jeremy.” I stood up, too agitated to sit.

  “I understand—”

  “I don’t really think you do. What if Logan needs years for this? She’s only two years old; she’ll think we’re her parents. I know better than anyone how kids get themselves attached to people, only to be shattered later on.” I didn't bother to hide the pain in my voice, and it wasn't as if any of them were in the dark about my past.

  “It won’t take him years,” said a deep, husky voice from behind me that sent shivers down my spine.

  Drake.

  He was standing in the doorway, as handsome as ever, and his blue eyes were assessing me. That was the thing about him. Whenever he saw me, it was as though he tried to make sure everything was in place and I was okay.

  I hated it.

  I loved it.

  The stupid man just kept confusing me.

  “He will have something to live for, and he will do anything to get his daughter back.” He came into the room and sat next to Jer, his eyes not once leaving mine.

  “Logan was a drug addict for years though,” Bella said without any heat or judgment in her words. “Are you sure he has it in him?” She was genuinely worried about him, and I had to admit that surprised me.

  “Yes, he used to be my friend, and I know some things about him you don’t. But trust me when I say he will do anything for his baby girl. Anything. I expect him to be out in a few months. Obviously, he won’t get her at once, but it would be a start for him.”

  “But it means we need to stay married, Drake.”

  His eyes held mine, and he had this expression about him that I couldn't decipher, which was driving me crazy.

  “I’m aware of that, beautiful.” That nickname. He kept on calling me that no matter how often I asked him to stop. He always just laughed and kept on doing it; the damn bastard knew what it reminded me of.

  Our night back in Vegas all that time ago.

  I felt the familiar tingle in my body, and the hotness, when I remembered his touches and how he made sure to make my first time memorable. I noticed his eyes were filled with heat, desire, and possessiveness.

  I shook my head and broke eye contact. I really wish my body didn't have some kind of ‘think about the sex’ signal every damn time he was close to me.

  “But the little girl…what’s her name?” It was important to know names. In foster care, no one gave a crap about mine, and I wouldn't do the same to this little human being.

  “Hope.” The name was fitting; she could be Logan’s hope.

  “Take her.” Ariel’s voice came out of nowhere, because she had been silent all this time. Well, figures.

  Logan and Ariel had a complicated relationship. Love or desire never existed between them, but he was a legend when it came to the keyboard. She used to watch videos of him, play his music, and had his posters all over her walls. She was so eager to meet him, but by the point she did, he was already heavily into drugs.

  Needless to say, her image of him shattered, but she still had a sweet spot for him. Like her concern for him back at Bella’s place a few months ago. “I’ll help you.” She stood up, came closer to me, and looked me in the eyes with pleading. “We can all stay at my ranch. She needs someone to care, Jane. She’s alone and scared.” Her hand rested on her stomach and she gulped. She was pregnant herself, so obviously the idea of some baby who was alone was making her weak and tearful.

  “Ariel, but what if—”

  “He will come for her. Don’t worry.”

  She had real confidence in Logan, but why?

  “That’s not what I’m worried about!” I shouted, because they all didn't seem to get it. “What if I fall in love with her, accept her as mine, and then Logan decides to take her back? What if he doesn’t, and then foster care would take her? It would be me with the broken heart, and possibly her.” My voice hitched, and I knew I was close to tears. This conversation was over for me. I took a deep breath. “I’ll take her, but you make damn sure Logan makes it.” With those words, I left the room, hearing in the background the girls and Jeremy calling after me, but I didn't care.

  I just ran.

  This situation spoke of future heartache for me, but I knew there was no power in the world that could have stopped me from taking this girl into my home and giving her the protection she needed.

  Before I knew it, my legs took me to the small studio that we used to rehearse in and I took a deep breath. I sat down at the piano and looked at the keyboard.

  Drums were my love, my instrument, and there was nothing like playing them during a performance. They took everything from you, but the sound they made was worth it. The power that rushed through me with every hit on parts, the vibration that came from it, so many little details that made noises. It took a lifetime to discover drums and what they could do; the instrument was never boring.

  Yes, the drums were my first friends.

  But the piano?

  The piano was different. It was my friend, not my best friend like it was to Ariel, but my friend that allowed me to create new music for our band and cry my heart out.

  If I felt like crying, I had the piano.

  If I was in pain, I had the piano.

  If I was happy, I had the drums.

  If I wanted a rush of adrenaline, power, and euphoria, I had drums.

  But oddly enough, today, none of them could soothe me, because I simply had no idea about the emotions that played in my mind.

  But the music inside me spoke, so I had to play.

  It wasn't a request from within; it was a must.

  Drake

  My heart almost broke from the devastating pain I saw on my sweet girl’s face, and I wanted nothing more than to hug her and take her away from it. Take her mind away from here. But as much as I wanted it, I knew she wouldn’t welcome it. Not from me anyway. She had been running around like crazy, trying to avoid me, trying to pretend I didn't exist. That our marriage didn't exist.

  After her last gift to me, she did her best to ignore me, and I decided not to push her much, because it affected her work. The last thing I wanted was to make her nervous during the tour.

  Besides that one moment we had after seeing each other for the first time at the ranch, and when she embraced me after I gave her the puppy, she didn't allow me to touch her. She kept on repeating her request for a divorce, so I had to reassure her somehow.

  I didn't want to lose her, which was fucking funny, because maybe I didn’t have her in the first
place.

  I tried to find her first when she ran away from me in Vegas. Then I tried to ask her to meet me, but she refused. I tried phone calls, but that was a dead end.

  I tried fucking everything, but she seemed convinced our marriage was a mistake.

  “I’ll talk to her,” Ariel said, put her hand back on her stomach, and was about to stand up, when I stopped her gently with my hand.

  “Let me?”

  She hesitated for a second, but nodded. No one else voiced an objection. Not that I would have listened to them anyway. Without saying anything else, I slowly made my way to the studio, which was about five minutes away from the bus. For some reason, I had no doubt she was there; she needed her music when she was upset.

  I’ve learned a lot of things about her in recent months. She liked her coffee with milk and sugar. She tended to lose her smile when no one was looking. She used music to heal her soul and drums to enjoy her happiness.

  How she always followed Jeremy with her eyes anytime he was in the room, and how that made me want to smash his head on the table.

  I opened the door carefully to the studio, and sure enough, she was there sitting at the piano, playing a song I didn’t recognize.

  She was creating then. I closed the door quietly, and she didn't even sense I was in the room. Her eyes were closed, her head back, her fingers moving effortlessly on the keyboard, and her spine was straight.

  God, but she was beautiful. I couldn't help but stare at her, appreciate everything about her. My cock stirred inside my pants, and I mentally had to ask it to downplay its game. My body’s reaction was a constant thing in her presence, and given the fact I went without for more than two years, that one night with her wasn't enough at all. I know I could have gotten laid frequently in this time. She pushed me enough, and made it clear she didn't want me. But I didn't want to, or couldn't for that matter. Other women held no interest for me or my dick. Did I miss sex? Fuck, yes, I did. But only with her. Once you had that special sex that makes you dumb and fall hard for the woman you’re with, normal sex with some stranger didn’t have the appeal anymore.